Finals.. ahh

Struggling with finals?

Take a study break, 20 min. intervals between each subject. Eat some fruits, fuel yourself with vitamins. Power nap, but not for more than 30 minutes. Don't cram all on the last minute, you'll most likely not retain the info.

Struggling with life in general? Head on over to LifeHacker.com for tips on how to make your life easier, and more manageable.

insane

yea I haven't wrote one in a while..
currently:
I am listening to john legend - coming home
I am still feeling the effects of a hangover
I do not feel content.

So that's what I wanna write about.. I'm at this point in my life where I am not thinking about the future. Constant work and play. I feel like someone is watching over me, not in the heavenly manner, but like an eagle just watching me. am I even doing my job right? I've been skipping classes.. and at the end of the day I'm just partying, or doing something to get away from the day. Funny how we feel most relief at the end of the day.. but the sun is already down.
I count the minutes in the day when I'm not occupied. Time is passing pretty slow right now, and in each of these minutes is thoughts rambling through my mind. Wtf am I doing?
Then again, even I don't know why I feel the way I do. It's so vague. It's like I'm lying to myself.. and if I don't know what the problem is, then where is the solution? It's a damn paradox. Honestly, if you could ask me if I'm depressed, I'd say just slightly. I already have a lot of things going on for me and I have a lot of friends to turn to. But it's hard to find joy when there is nothing to hold it in place.
I'm sitting by the kitchen table. Only 5 minutes have passed since I wrote all that above this. Oh well, it's not like anyone is going to read this. kthaanks peace

too lazy

drake - think good thoughts ft. phonte & elzhi
hieroglyphics - make your move ft. goapele

I'm too lazy to post up what I did for my bday week. but fine here.
On thursday of that week I went to Davis w/ loc and nguyen and we had a bbq at the new Lambda house and also warmed it up w/ my 19th bday (July 19, cancers ftw). Of course I got messed up but I survived the night and went to my friend Jame's place. Saturday night me and some coucins went over to my cousin Nhi's place in SF to drink and stuff there for my bday.

Ummm last weekend I went to universal studios w/ my family. Hmm what else. I'm going to Arizona on thursday for about a week.

I can't wait til school is back so I can be productive again. Oh, and I also kinda figured out what I wanna be later in life, a CIA agent.

do the right thing.

song: drake - closer to my dreams ft. andreena mills

"I'mma spare y'all
Why you wanna judge me
I don't ever compare y'all
The city is mine
I know it because I'm there y'all
It ain't even started I'm really tryna prepare y'all...

...And it wasn't nothin' to it
I'm drawin' and drawin' till the pen was out of fluid"



You ain't doin' it right. Am I? Ion even know. Too much living in the fast lane.
I'm 19 years old now, one step ahead in being an adult. I've accomplished a lot in my age, but of course it's never enough. I've been through so many sources of happiness, but now I'm at the point where I'm asking, are they all for the right reasons?

This is what living in the moment does. When you're doin' so much, having fun, that you're at a breaking point eventually. Everything can be so easily overturned and have no value anymore when you finally realize what matters, or the least-- trying to figure out what is important.

I've got my letters. Ears pierced. Tatted up. In a good school. Doing good in school. 3 more years to do good. Lots of friends. People admiring you everywhere. Going places. Getting blown. Making music. So much pride, but it all seems enveloped, like, where does it go? I don't even know anymore.

yesterday was comedy

today is a gift

song today: whatever you say - little brother
"what up brown skin, ya body smelling like cinnamon, hair in a bun your toes so feminine.."

ANYWAYS

1. I hit up my boy NICK NASTY, we asked if he wanted to chill. He said he only had 2 dollars. So later on we hit him up again to chill. He said he was at Carls Jr. "oh I only have a dollar left.." dood used it on a chicken sandwich! AHA.
2. We were chillin' in the parking lot outside the new Quicklys. There was a couple making out, doin' nasty shit and w/e outside of Taco Bell, like RIGHT there in the open. My friends were shoutin out words and all that. Then this guy, he turns on his car and plays "I'll make love to you" by BoyzIIMen like HELLLA LOUD! Like a fucking movie! hahaha, unfortunately the PDA peeps stopped and the guy went back inside Tacobell.
3. I forgot what the third funny thing is, but I'll post it when I remember it.

p.s. I'll update about my birthday week soon.

too young

too young - cool suki ft. legacy (of new boyz)
My boy Loc showed me this song, it's sicck.

Anyways my past weekend has been pretty damn awesome. I went to Davis Thursday night w/ Sangho, Kevin, Mark and chilled with some bros, my big sis, and KDPhi's. We played a lot of beer pong @ Mark's (Mark's big bro) house and yaddda. After that, we went to get Del Taco and went to Mark's big sis's place all wasted. It wasn't that long of a night but fun as hell. Friday morning we woke up and were playing Killer Instinct and trading swats with each other haha. We went home after, I didn't do much later that day, just hit up Borders to read for a bit. Saturday-repeat.
Sunday we went white water rafting @ American River in Sacramento. I went w/ some bros, their friends, cousins, their friends. I had a fucking blast (get it? haha). I got a long ass cut on my arm and broke my sunglasses, but it's all good. After that I went home all tired. I was about to sleep, but my cousin hit me up to go crabbing in San Francisco, @ like 1 am!. And so we went there.. and I'm all worn out. We ate lunchables there while we were waiting for the crabs.. mmm. I had class at 9 so I got home at 4 and knocked the f out.
Hm what else this week, I just finished my Macroeconomics midterm today and Cultural Anthropology yesterday. I feel confident about them. Today.. hmm, back to my normal self again now I'm free from burdens for a little bit. :]

will post pics soon.

feel this way

- consequence ft. john legend

"Now how we 'sposed to really carry on as a item
If you got more baggage than a carry-on item
And all you do is carry on and try to ignite him
Which leads me to think that you really don't like him
..."

updates as of late..

Hi! I'm done with my first year in college and my grades are B in Econ, B in Calculus, and B- in English 3. I guess my grades are pretty good for not stressing and having fun during finals week.. aha. And good for a pledge quarter I guess, tryna get it higher than 3.0.. I'm proud of myself

Welp this summer consisted of hanging out with cousins and friends so far. A lot of cousins that I haven't got to see for a while and cousins that go to school with me, or cousins that I didn't know were cousins. Hahah..

I started summer school today @ Ohlone College at home. The campus is so close to my house, just a couple minutes of driving down one street. I'm taking Macroeconomics and Cultural Anthropology. The classes are about 3 hours each .. -_-, I wonder how I survived today. My friend Tiffany from SD convinced me to just take the classes and get it overwith, as I was texting her in anthro. Surprisingly there's a good amount of friends and familiar faces in my class, about 5 people that go to Davis in my anthro class. I've seen some cute girls. The social life here seems different at community colleges, but I'll give it a shot yadigg ;p

Life is Better

Now playing: Life is Better ft. Norah Jones - Q-tip

To sum this all up, this quarter has been quite a trip.

With work, school, and such in the way, I'm finally a brother of LAMBDA PHI EPSILON, ΛΦΕ. Such a long and arduous process, no one could ever think of it. Pretty relieved and pretty much celebrated my whole weekend away. Next quarter and my next few years in college will be a blast!
For now, I'm going to finish up what I have left of this quarter. Tonight is my last quarter program for my job as the Cultural Programmer for my Asian American ethnic themed dorm building. and then I'm free! Time to study the hell up and make up for all those weeks I left hanging..
Well that's all for now, when I come up with something deep I'll come back.. peace!

<3 R.I.P. Sis, love ya mucho.

You can try to bomb me, analyze but can't define me.

To hard to follow, you took a bite but couldn't swallow
your mind's boggled
but I'm as deep as Donald Goines novels
my whole persona's kinda laid back like a recliner
and since my mama, I been fucking with marijuana
wavy-haired, my skin got a money getting glare
strictly menace wear, macking offa Guinness beer
so where it all begins is here
destiny and me finally meet
so how can I be weak?
I'm rather unique

RATHER UNIQUE - AZ

I'm lookin @ pics of people livin' it big like JAY-Z and other hip-hop artists.




daaamn these muhhfuckas are living it big. I can't wait til I get on that level. (this idea spurred from a NikeTalk thread btw) haha
I'm probably not gonna be a big rap star or whatever, but sometimes, I imagine what it's like to be a celebrity. I remember I helllla wanted to be big like them when I was younger lol. I know we all have big dreams, but fuck it.. let me dream big! Word to NOTORIOUS.. However, there ARE artists that don't care much for the fame but enjoy what they do.. like COMMON. MAD respect for him. I'm actually listening to "Changes" right now by him.

Anywayysss, what's goood folks. Just been real busy lately and real tired. I got my Big bro and Big sis for Lambdas! I feel great about that. Ohh, and I got back my enl3 and math16(calc) midterm this week. I got a B- in English.. and A in math! wooohoo. I failed the first midterm too.. but luckily the professor is dropping it.

all good.

Gettin' Up - Q-TIP
"Walking through the corridors of my mind
The hideaways, the nooks, there filled with good times
Memories certainly yes they still bind
Still a common man and yeah that's for sure"

Be sure to check out Q-tip's new album "Renaissance"

For my deaf and hard of hearing folks

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoodNews/wireStory?id=7233946
Stem Cells May Offer Cure for Deafness

Looks like scientist have finally found a cure for those that are hard of hearing. Personally, I have been suffering from this problem as a child. While it may not be as bad as those who are completely deaf, I still have my bad moments. My father said he wanted me to have surgery on my ears a few years back, but doctors said it cannot be done. There may be hope after all..

Days of our lives

: Hip-hop song of the day: They Reminisce Over You - Pete Rock & CL Smooth "Never been senile, that's where you're wrong, but give a man a taste and he's gone."
: Honorable mention (because it's playing on my iTunes ;p): The Instrumental - Lupe Fiasco

"It's better when something is wrong, you get excitement in your bones, and everything you do's a gane" I started to like this song more (Right As Rain) when some girl sang it at an open mic Thursday night (last week), which I didn't get to perform at unfortunately.
Speaking of Adele, she has a beautiful and creative voice. A friend of mine really reminded me how appreciative of music I am. I've been listening to hip-hop and good ol' r&b since I was elementary, poppin' those cassettes in my tape player, I can truly say music has co-lived with me throughout my life. I started out with a Bone Thugs tape "Days of our Lives" and the Backstreet Boys CD, haha it was great. From getting into my own rhymes, deciphering intellectual hip-hop verses, admiring influential musicians and just singing along with passionate jams for the soul, I can say I'm thankful for music to be a piece of my backbone.

On another note--
Sometimes, don't you ever just catch yourself in a trance, zoned out, staring right through the world, and just kinda forgetting what your dreams really are? I do. I've been stuck in reality for a little too long, busy doing what I lust and not much of what I love, which is still faint in me. I'm not mad, but hey, what gives the greatest motivation, and drive? Is it what we love to do--the thrill at the moment, or the thrill that will come later on after all this hard work? I can say I enjoy what I do but so much of it is a challenge, that I just keep going. It will all pay off in the future. What do I really love? Currently, my only goal is to make my family happy, and I hope I'm doing well. For now I think I'll just pick up whatever comes along the way, because some of my dreams are already forgotten down the broken boulevard, but it's a cycle I guess.



And words of wisdom for the day..
I don't belong in this world. The world belongs to ME! 8) :)

It's time to swallow my pride, let it ride maybe, and accept the fact that

I'm just an ordinary person, and I don't know where I'm going.

Dear Summer

"Have the whole world saying "How you still so good?"
Well I do this in my slumber summer
I ain't none of these half-assed newcomers, you know how I do summer
I drop heat, when you bring the sun up"
- Jigga

Time to spice things up 'til spring comes out, flings come out, the sun comes out, and that's when the fun comes out.. haha.

The weekend was quite enjoyable for me. When I got home, I got dropped off at my high school. There were lots of people, my little brother participated in the wrestling tournament there. I caught up with plenty friends I haven't talked to in a while, friends that were old friends, friends of friends, ex lovers, acquaintances whatever. Later on I went to Borders again to pick up a book to read. For some odd reason, it was my friend who brought up the idea, but I gladly accepted because I made us all go last time.

Saturday I hung out with my friends again, went to Oakland to eat pho, only to come home with my momma making some. So I ate 2 more bowls of pho that same day. We watched the wrestling tournament again. Later on I went to my house to chill and talk to my friend on the phone who was feeling down. I remember those days, helping so much emo people out with their lives, haha, great feeling uplifting others' moods.

This week is going to be a different week for me. The good thing is, midterms are over, the bad thing is, I messed up on a few midterms. There goes my 3.0+.
But yea, a lot of meetings this week. Like 5. Well at least I'm getting paid for them. So far I have 5 work hours done from last week, and this week I will do about 12 hours.

Time to study up. Stats is killing me. I'm going to have to get an A or B on the final to pass the class. The right time to start studying things would be now.
Lots of math hw.. luckily it's due Wednesday, but I'll start it tonight. I can't half-ass the homework either, because I'm trying to learn all this math to get into calculus.

It's funny how the music put times in perspective,

Add a sound track to your life and perfect it.. yeee.

Nujabes - Luv Sic pt. 3
http://www.imeem.com/70794533/music/JPabnllF/nujabes_luv_sic_pt_3/

The past few days, I've really tried to put everything in perspective. Less or lot, I still have thoughts of death (not suicide) lingering on my mind and why people die, and if it just ends from there.
I talked to my building mates about what really makes you happy, and I brought up a lot of little things and realize they all shouldn't be taken for granted. But the things I do for other people, it seems like they are taken for granted. Sometimes I feel lost and out of place here, and joining a fraternity has been one of my options that I'm still deciding on. I realize I know a lot of people and people don't see me as lonely. I don't really have anyone too close to fall back on. Maybe a select few, but the only person I can depend on is myself.
With that said, I'm looking just to be more independent. They say don't depend on others for happiness, but my building mate said don't only rely on yourself for happiness either. I'm gonna go with what he says because it is quite true, I can't be happy if others aren't happy around me.
I was outside with some friends taking a walk and enjoying the fresh air last night. Just letting off a little steam. School is stressing kinda. They haven't seen that side of me before, but I let out a lot and I realize I was acting exactly how I was in high school--angry.
Girls girls girls.. hmm. I've noticed I have tooo many female friends. I mean, you can never have enough, right? But I guess maybe it has been interfering with other purposes. I hang out with too many girls, I needa stop. I was at starbucks the other night to use the bathroom. My friend went to use it, and when he came out, he spotted me talking to someone. It's just like that with me, everywhere I go I'll see someone I know.

Anyways, what's new?
Finally start work on wednesday, well I meet up with my supervisor.
Not too much homework this week, but gotta study up for NPB 10.
Accidentally skipped dinosaurs today. Slept for about 11 hours... guess my body was just trying to make up for all the sleep I lost.
I wanna go home this weekend!

Moving forward.

Song: Lupe Fiasco - Happy Industries

This week has been pretty swell.

Last weekend I went to APILR (Asian Pacific Islander Leadership Retreat) and I had a good time. Although tiring, I learned a lot about myself, which what I was looking forward to, and about my culture. I stayed around a bunch of strangers and made like 40 new friends in a weekend. It taught me people really do enjoy me just being me and not trying too much to 'improve' myself.